Lessons in Love from Lao Tzu

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, 

while loving someone deeply gives you courage. 

Lao Tzu

A year ago today, my life changed. Following an exhausting day of leading freshman orientation, I went out for burgers with a some of my fellow resident assistants. We ate and joked our way through dinner at Local Burger before choosing to spend the rest of the afternoon window shopping down main street in Northampton, MA. As we made our way into our second store of the evening, I noticed I had a shadow. Wherever I walked, my friend would follow. Never too close, but just enough to let me know he was there. Taking this as a sign that he, too, felt our friendship was molding into something more, I followed his nervous lead and switched my pace until we were walking side by side. Through giggly questions and nervous silences, we began to talk feverishly about anything and everything. We talked and talked until we soon remembered that we had two other friends on this excursion. In our first half hour together, we had already become the only person in one another's world. 

An afternoon at Fenway.

That night (after we located our friends, drove back to campus, and immediately tried to ditch them again) was the first time Kewei reached out to hold my hand, an experience of which he later described, "I was sure you were going to punch me, but I had to try anyway." It was from that moment, the moment where I squeezed his hand back, that we became inseparable. That day, 365 days ago, was one of the scariest and most rewarding days of my life. Until that point, I did not think I was brave enough to give real love a chance but, as I would soon find out, just being with Kewei gave me all the strength in the world.

Since then, the two of us have been through a lot together. The broken spleen, the endless sinus infections, the dozen medical school applications, the two theses and the endless staff meetings. Through all of this, we have learned to support one another and give one another courage. But after all that, we are still forced to face our biggest challenges of all: an ocean. On our anniversary, a day in which we should be celebrating, we are have this little thing called the Atlantic Ocean in our way. And that is not even where the complications end. Although we spent our first September 3rd together, we are spending this one on different continents, and we will spend the next one in separate states. In fact, by our next anniversary, we will have spent over a fourth of our time together in different locations. That fraction is not exactly appealing in the early years of any relationship, no matter how strong.

The perils of internet dating...Somebody is always sleepy or
colored green.

 While I do have a cell phone while I'm in the states (though based on my actual usage, some may say that's debatable) and we have Skype, it is not exactly the same as coming home to someone everyday. The entire time I've known Kewei, he's only been one or two flights of stairs above me. Now we're in this weird limbo where we're constantly reviewing our cell phone minutes, cursing the limited capabilities of Skype, and desperately waiting for vacations to see one another. It is doable, for sure, but it is truly exhausting.

Alhtough the art of staying in touch only becoming more difficult with time, we are both also getting much better at handling the distance. I, for example, have assigned Kewei some babysitters...okay, so they're not sitters so much as they are two friends who also have long-distance girlfriends, but it makes me feel better knowing somebody is there to will tell him to stop looking at youtube videos of puppies and do homework when I can't. Plus, if Three Men and a Baby taught me anything, three men trying to figure out life is more likely to be successful than one man by himself. (Didn't think I'd slide that reference in there, did you?)

The gentlemen I commissioned to look after my boy while I'm gone.
Also, look at that white coat, doesn't he look dapper?

Anyway, as the day of our anniversary comes to a close in my time zone, I cannot help but wish he were here. However, a thousand wishes will never make that dream come true. So instead I will follow Kewei's lead from that night a year ago. I will emulate his shadow and make sure I am never smothering but always supporting. I will make sure that I am giving him the space he needs to grow in his new world, but always letting him know I'm right behind him. And when life allows us to change our paces, there we will be, walking side by side once again.